Dating and Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about dating. I’ve talked to people who describe the way that their significant other treats them and I’m shocked that they are still together. What is keeping these people together? They’re not married; they have no governmental or spiritual contract binding them, so why do people choose to stay in these less than desirable circumstances? I truly wish I had the answer to this question. I’ve often heard pastors and other Christian speakers expound on the “evils” of dating and how it’s just “trial marriage” and that really got me thinking: what if we treated the people we are dating the same way we would treat them if we were married to them? Now obviously you wouldn’t be engaging in the same activities that married couples are privileged with, but think about it; if you marry a person who treated you poorly when you were dating you can’t expect them to magically start treating you better after the wedding can you?

I’m putting the challenge out there; I say it’s time for men to step up their game. Read Ephesians 5:25-31. Pray with your girlfriend, read God’s word together, seek wisdom together. Guys, remember: Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Ladies: If your guy is more interested in your body than your walk with God, that’s a red flag. Find yourself a guy who is strong in his walk with God. You should also read Ephesians 5:25-31. Also check out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Also, check out this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKNl5OK1Yew He’s really rather good, and the main point I’m getting at is the second half of the video, but watch the whole thing.

Like David, I wanna be a man after God's own heart. And I'm not there yet, but I'm past the start. And when people talk, I try to listen. A spirit of compassion, that's my vision. Surely I am a manly man. I want to be loved and have love and give love.

And not just that romantic kind either. Although I am looking for that beauty. Not helpless, but wants to be rescued. The damsel in distress, man, woman, myth, true. I will fight for her, climb the highest tower for her, love her, share with her, delight in her, be her warrior, her protector. She will be my crown and I will be hers. My masculinity will be passed down and affirmed to my sons. And each of my daughters will know they are lovely, and deserving of authentic romance.

Bradley Hathaway - I Am a Manly Man

That’s my perspective
Ben Peters

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We find ourselves celebrating a holiday that, like most other holidays, has strayed from its established purpose. And what was Thanksgiving’s original purpose? Well part of it is in the name, to give thanks, while the other half is somewhat lost. Allow me to enlighten you. Thanksgiving was a day established on Oct. 3, 1789. By our nations first President, George Washington, and this is what he had to say:

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to begrateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me to "recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness…

We could pull a lot out of this statement, but the two things I want to focus on are giving thanks and prayer. These days it seems like Thanksgiving has become less about giving thanks and prayer and more about family skirmishes and food. Just yesterday I was listening to the radio and the DJ was having listeners call in and tell stories of how Thanksgiving is awful at their house. I heard how these people’s families would do anything from discussing very private medical procedures to getting in fistfights. And then of course we have the gluttony. Don’t misunderstand me on this point. I firmly believe that a good meal is one of the best ways for us to experience fellowship; it just gets a little excessive sometimes. So in effort to bring back a little bit of the spirit of the holiday I would like to use the rest of this post to thank some people and say exactly what I am praying for them. If I don’t mention you by name, fear not, I still love you very much.

I guess I should start with my family. Thank you Mom and Spence for providing me with a place to live and supporting me in my pursuit of photography. My prayer is that God would continue bless you as you provide for me and that He would continue to mold me into a man that you can be more and more proud of. Thank you Barb and Dad for your continued support and your wisdom as I make decisions regarding my college education and career path. My prayer is that God would continue to bring opportunities to you to minister to the Natives up in Tuba city and that He would bless you for doing so. To all my brothers and sisters, thank you for putting up with me and providing a great opportunity for God to grow me in patience and love and thank you for your friendship. I pray that God would grow you in these areas as He is growing me.

To my closest and dearest friends:

Dan, thank you for your unending friendship and fondness of all things geeky that we share. The example of obedience to God that you portray in your life is something I pray He would grow me in.

Bre, you are the embodiment of what it means to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and for that I thank you. Your life is an example for women everywhere to aspire and I pray that the influence you have in the lives of the young women around you would be powerful.

Daniel (Crawdad #5), thank you for being fearless in your obedience to God’s calling on your life as an evangelist and teacher. Even though you are younger than me I have always looked up to you and admire you as a man of God. I pray that God would grant you a peace that surpasses all understanding and that He would guide you in this next season of your life.

Drew, thank you for you and your families support of me in all of my endeavors. Thank you for sharing with me in our passions for philosophy, apologetics, biblical exegesis and photography and cinema. My prayer for you is that God would take you far in the movie industry that you may bring Him glory with your art.

Josh Dyer, thank you for all those Monday nights spent at my house and the many many memories we still have to this day (especially the ones involving “crater chin”). I ask God for His continued provision for you and your family and that He would guide you in your career path. Also that He would get you back out to Arizona to eat all the food in my house…

Josh and Brandi Krzanak. Josh, thank you for your guidance and teaching when I was in high school and thank you and Brandi for the example of purity that you demonstrated in your relationship leading up to your marriage, it is still a shining example in my life to this day. I pray that God would bless you and your children and continue to provide for you.

Patrick, thank you for being the guy I can text or call whenever I want and for all the countless hours of laughter that we have shared. Thank you for living a lifestyle of worship as you pursue a closer relationship with God. I pray that He would bless you in your music and that when people hear your music that they would grow in their relationship with the Lord.

Tyler, thank you for your musical and artistic influences in my life, as well as your dedication in your relationship with God. Were it not for your influence I may not have discovered some of my favorite bands, nor would I have an example of a person who reads what God says to do and then does it. I pray that God would give me the same willingness to be used as he has given you.

Nate, thanks for being my brother. All through Bible College and then our time in Scotland you were always there to make me laugh and challenge me with scripture. Just as iron sharpens iron, God put you in my life to sharpen me. I pray that God would bless me with your ability to absorb scripture the way you do and I also pray for your success in college.

Josh Barton, thank you for your leadership and the countless hours of Settlers of Catan. Thank you for always being available to talk and hang out and I pray that God would grow you as your wife gives birth to your first son. I pray that he would bring you such joy that you cannot help but sing.

Lisa, thank you for your friendship and spontaneity. Your personality and heart for people are truly refreshing to be around. Thank you for bringing a little adventure to my life. I pray the Lord would continue to guide you into your field of study and bring you overwhelming joy and contentment.

Josh Tedrow, thank you for the constant banter we have. You have no idea how much it means to be able to act like I’m British with someone. You make my day. I pray that God would guide you into your next field of study as well as provide you a career in your current field.

Kevin, thank you for being my BFF. This past month of knowing you has truly been the best month of living here in Arizona. I look forward to many epic conversations and times spent together in the future. I pray that God would bring peace to your soul and that He would reveal more and more of Himself to you as you pursue Him.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless you all!

Ben Peters

Over and Underneath

I know I need You

I need to love You

I love to see You, but it's been so long

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Now You pull me near You

When we're close, I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done

Are You done forgiving?

Oh can You look past my pretending?

Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become

What have I become?

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

I hear You say,

"My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'

The times you're broken.

The times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.

The times you're hurting.

The times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache.

I'm there in the storm.

My love I will keep you, by My power alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.

It never ends."

Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Tenth Avenue North - Times

Complicated

How often do you find yourself thinking that life is just too complicated? Every time I think that, I can usually come to the conclusion that my life wouldn’t be so complicated or stressful if I would just do what I’m supposed to do. You all know what I mean I’m sure, but here’s an example that most of you will be able to grasp pretty easily. Procrastination. Yup, that’s it. The #1 cause of stress in my life is me procrastinating the things I need to do. Think about it, when we put things off then we have to do them later with less time. That may fly for some people but when I take into account that I am supposed to do all things unto the glory of God, and a personal belief of striving for excellence, I can’t just do a poor job on whatever it is I’m doing. So now I’m trying to do an excellent job on something that I’ve been putting of till the last minute, this equals stress.

There are some things in life that are inherently simple that too often we complicate. Take for example the gospel. It’s really not complicated. But maybe you’re not so eloquent, or you don’t feel called to be an evangelist. Maybe you’re more of an action person like me, you like to serve people. It’s been said that we may be the only bible people ever read, so let’s make a statement with our actions. Let’s get out there and go and just love on people. Serve in a soup kitchen, put together food packs for the homeless, go to Africa and run around with some orphans. Maybe that’s why I like the gospel of Mark so much because in it you get a great look at Jesus going places and taking action and serving people (I’ve given it a second title of “Jesus Christ, Man of Action, God of Compassion!). Micah 6:8 says to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. Let’s not complicate things. Mark 12:30-31 gives us the greatest commandments, which are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and the second says to love your neighbor as yourself. I don’t know about you, but I sure love myself a lot, so I need to love my neighbors with that same amount of love. Certainly I wouldn’t allow myself to starve, so why am I letting my neighbor go hungry? Heck, I won’t even drink water out of the tap most the time, it’s bottled for me, but I’m ok with letting people in Africa drink muddy, polluted water? Enough is enough, it’s not hard, lets get out there and do something.

Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of always talking when there's no change
Rhetoric can't raise the dead
I'm sick of empty words, let's lead and not follow

Thrice - The Artist in the Ambulance

That's my perspective

Ben Peters

When Opportunity Comes Knocking

Have you ever had one of those days where you experienced things that were out of the ordinary? Today was one of those days for me. Let me fill you in. Recently I have been working as an assistant to a local photographer and he wanted to know if I would be able to assist him on Monday the 16th. The problem is that I have photography class on Mondays so I decided to ask my teacher what we would be doing that day. When I told him about the opportunity I had before me I heard him say something I've never heard a teacher say, "Dude you should skip class and go help him!" I was actually surprised when he said this because we actually are going to have an in class shooting assignment that day and he fully was encouraging me to skip it. He said that I should take advantage of this opportunity because chances are that I would gain more from working with this photographer than if I stuck around for class.

I had another fun experience today. I got to be a model. Now normally I'm in the role of the photographer so I don't get to have my picture taken very often nor do I get to dress up and actually model for someone. But this was more than just modeling, this was role playing. I was an actor playing the role of Aladdin in a modern day setting. I had been really excited to pose for this part but at the same time I was concerned that the girl playing Jasmine was going to be timid or feel awkward with the poses we were no doubt going to be in. Most of you know me well enough to know that I am not timid and I rarely feel awkward in situations that most people would feel awkward in. And so the photo-shoot began and we were situated into positions where we had to look lovingly into each others eyes and the best part was that she turned out to be just as confident as I was! Woo! It was also really fun to help the photographer come up with new ideas for poses that we could be in.

So I guess the theme of this post is opportunity. Opportunity comes in many shapes and forms and I want to encourage you to take advantage of it. Who knows, you could end up getting a job as an assistant in an otherwise jobless market or have a blast modeling as a modern day Disney character or you may even end up in a dance studio doing the night club 2 step with a 40 year old woman dressed as a pirate (yes, that did happen).

That's my perspective

Ben Peters

God's Holiness and Our Sin

Do you ever feel less sinful than you perceive others to be? Have you ever listened to someone else’s testimony and wondered what sin God has saved you from? You see, I grew up in a fairly stable environment and had Christian influences in my life since I was born and I feel like God has kept me from straying too far off the path. So what is it that God is actually saving me from? I had this discussion with a good friend of mine in which he told me he felt the same way. He told me that he knew he was a sinner, but since he had never really done anything that bad in his life that he has a harder time appreciating God’s saving grace as much as other people with amazing testimonies. We both struggled with this together until we finally came to a conclusion. Luke 7:47 “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” But isn’t all sin the same in God’s eyes? Yes. Now we can sit here and compare ourselves to the Ten Commandments all day (which I believe is a healthy exercise as the commandments are a mirror that allow us to see our sin) but I would recommend another approach for people who share the same difficulty as I do.

Instead of trying to convict yourself of your sin, allow God’s Spirit to do so by first doing a study on the Holiness of God. Read Isaiah 6:1-7 and Revelation 4. Anytime I find myself feeling like I’m not a sinner I read these passages and it really humbles me and shows me that even though I wasn’t pulled from the depths of depravity like some of my friends, I am none-the-less, just as sinful. It’s like coming back from a camping trip. You don’t realize just how dirty you are until you get home and see your face and hands in the light of your bathroom. The closer we get to God the more apparent our sin becomes in the light of his holiness. Maybe you don’t have a radical testimony, maybe your testimony is more like mine, an average American male who deals with pride and lust. You’ve never murdered someone (except in your heart Matt 5:21-26) and you’ve never committed adultery (except in your heart Matt 5:27-28) but I can guarantee that if you read just how holy God is then you will see just how sinful you truly are. And when we know just how much we have been forgiven of we are enabled to love God so much more.

We can’t medicate man to perfection again

We can’t legislate peace in our hearts

We can’t educate sin from our souls

It’s been there from the start

But the blind lead the blind into bottomless pits

Still we smile and deny that we’re cursed

But of all our iniquities

Ignorance may be the worst

Thrice – All the World is Mad

That’s my perspective.

Ben Peters

The Weight

Do you remember fairy tales? Do you remember those movies you used to watch as a kid, the ones where the guy romantically wooed the girl, got married and lived happily ever after? Emotions run wild every time the two lovers eyes meet. The young girls beauty is overwhelming and the young man is exceptionally handsome. A sense of euphoria washes over the audience as the two share their first kiss. The movie culminates in the union of the lovers, leaving the audience with a feathery light sense of assurance: nothing could bring these two apart. Unfortunately this story does not hold true in the reality of our culture.

I have come to accept the fact that in American culture, especially in my generation, the motto is to do what “feels” right. As a culture we have made emotional decisions a normal part of everyday life. This holds true even in the most critical decisions we make, the most important being relationships. I often wonder how many people make the decision to get married simply based on the emotions they are feeling at the moment. One of my mentors once told me that “emotional decisions tend to be poor decisions” and I believe that this is reflected in the divorce rates we see in America. A study by the Barna Group revealed about Americans that “four out of every five adults (78%) have been married at least once” and “among adults who have been married, one-third (33%) have experienced at least one divorce”. Director of the study George Barna noted that Americans have grown comfortable with divorce as a natural part of life. I propose a change in perspective.

Coming from a background that has seen divorce I could tell you all the horrible things that it can do to a family, but instead I will present you with how God feels about it and what His plan is for us in seeking relationships with the opposite sex. Divorce is one of the things that God hates (Malachi 2:16) and it was never part of His plan for our lives. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Here’s the picture: Imagine you take two pieces of wood and you laminate them together, and by that I mean you spread glue over the two surfaces and then clamp them together and let them sit and dry overnight. When you come back the next day you will find that the two pieces of wood have become one. The glue has seeped deep into the pores of the two pieces of wood and they are now forever bonded together. This is how God views marriage. But what happens if you try to split these two pieces of wood apart? The wood splinters and cracks. Pieces of the wood tear off and remain attached to either piece. You see, that’s just the thing; you cannot break apart something that was meant to be a permanent bond without destructive consequences. How can we avoid such a disaster? By being the kind of people God desires us to be.

Before we can even consider pursuing a relationship with someone I think we need to compare ourselves with God’s definition of what love is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”(NIV). Here is a challenging exercise: read this passage out loud, but replace the words “love” and “it” with your name instead. Can you say the whole thing and feel like it’s true? I know I can’t. Before we even consider bringing someone into our life we need to make sure we’re right with God and we are pursuing His model lifestyle for us, and not only that, but ask the question: is this person pursuing the same kind of lifestyle?

It’s time that we started to ask serious questions of ourselves and the people we are courting. Ladies, is he the kind of guy who is above reproach, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle and perhaps most importantly able to teach? (1Tim 3:1-7) Guys, is she a woman devoted to the Lord like Anna, devoted to worship, fasting and prayer (Luke 2:36-37) and does she speak wisdom and kindness? (Prov 31:26) Look beyond your emotions and don’t act to hastily. Know for certain the one whom you are pursuing, find out their character and be sure of their commitment to God and His interests. Ask yourself if you are truly ready to carry the weight of love.

“And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind,

Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment.

Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side,

I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight.”

Thrice – The weight

That’s my perspective.

Ben Peters