The Weight

Do you remember fairy tales? Do you remember those movies you used to watch as a kid, the ones where the guy romantically wooed the girl, got married and lived happily ever after? Emotions run wild every time the two lovers eyes meet. The young girls beauty is overwhelming and the young man is exceptionally handsome. A sense of euphoria washes over the audience as the two share their first kiss. The movie culminates in the union of the lovers, leaving the audience with a feathery light sense of assurance: nothing could bring these two apart. Unfortunately this story does not hold true in the reality of our culture.

I have come to accept the fact that in American culture, especially in my generation, the motto is to do what “feels” right. As a culture we have made emotional decisions a normal part of everyday life. This holds true even in the most critical decisions we make, the most important being relationships. I often wonder how many people make the decision to get married simply based on the emotions they are feeling at the moment. One of my mentors once told me that “emotional decisions tend to be poor decisions” and I believe that this is reflected in the divorce rates we see in America. A study by the Barna Group revealed about Americans that “four out of every five adults (78%) have been married at least once” and “among adults who have been married, one-third (33%) have experienced at least one divorce”. Director of the study George Barna noted that Americans have grown comfortable with divorce as a natural part of life. I propose a change in perspective.

Coming from a background that has seen divorce I could tell you all the horrible things that it can do to a family, but instead I will present you with how God feels about it and what His plan is for us in seeking relationships with the opposite sex. Divorce is one of the things that God hates (Malachi 2:16) and it was never part of His plan for our lives. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Here’s the picture: Imagine you take two pieces of wood and you laminate them together, and by that I mean you spread glue over the two surfaces and then clamp them together and let them sit and dry overnight. When you come back the next day you will find that the two pieces of wood have become one. The glue has seeped deep into the pores of the two pieces of wood and they are now forever bonded together. This is how God views marriage. But what happens if you try to split these two pieces of wood apart? The wood splinters and cracks. Pieces of the wood tear off and remain attached to either piece. You see, that’s just the thing; you cannot break apart something that was meant to be a permanent bond without destructive consequences. How can we avoid such a disaster? By being the kind of people God desires us to be.

Before we can even consider pursuing a relationship with someone I think we need to compare ourselves with God’s definition of what love is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”(NIV). Here is a challenging exercise: read this passage out loud, but replace the words “love” and “it” with your name instead. Can you say the whole thing and feel like it’s true? I know I can’t. Before we even consider bringing someone into our life we need to make sure we’re right with God and we are pursuing His model lifestyle for us, and not only that, but ask the question: is this person pursuing the same kind of lifestyle?

It’s time that we started to ask serious questions of ourselves and the people we are courting. Ladies, is he the kind of guy who is above reproach, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, gentle and perhaps most importantly able to teach? (1Tim 3:1-7) Guys, is she a woman devoted to the Lord like Anna, devoted to worship, fasting and prayer (Luke 2:36-37) and does she speak wisdom and kindness? (Prov 31:26) Look beyond your emotions and don’t act to hastily. Know for certain the one whom you are pursuing, find out their character and be sure of their commitment to God and His interests. Ask yourself if you are truly ready to carry the weight of love.

“And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind,

Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment.

Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side,

I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight.”

Thrice – The weight

That’s my perspective.

Ben Peters