:: perspective ::: Frustration/Grief

More often than not I have a hard time falling asleep at night. I lay down but my brain just keeps running. It won’t shut down. With nothing to keep my attention, my mind wanders. I think about where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what God has done. I think about the future, sometimes with excitement, other times with anxiety. Recently it is worry that keeps me up.

My mind is plagued by “what if” questions, two in particular: What if I’m not a good enough photographer/business man and I can’t support myself or my future family? And what if my friends and family, my brother and sister, and those students and peers that I influence fall away from their faith or fall into some serious sin?

I want to focus on the latter. Recently I heard a story about a group of Christian friends hanging out, talking about life and all of it’s intricacies. The topic of conversation eventually came to sex. A few in the group awkwardly shuffled their feet and twiddled their thumbs. Having remained pure and set boundaries in their dating relationships, there wasn’t much to tell. A couple of the guys spoke proudly of their exploits, how far they’ve gone and with how many different girls. The two guys showed no remorse for their sin as they high fived and gave each other props. One girl remained silent, staring blankly off into the distance. Later, she confided in one of the girls, how she was coerced into sex by a boy who made promises with no intention of keeping them, leaving her cold and alone after he got what he wanted. The girl tried to comfort her friend as she wept over what had happened and silently questioned herself, “How does something like this happen? Why is it so hard for some Christians to remain pure and save themselves for marriage?”

This story grieves and frustrates me. The worst part is I didn’t make it up. I grieve for the guys who show no penitence or remorse for their sin. I grieve for the girl who gave herself away under false pretenses. But at the same time I am frustrated. Despite how tragic the circumstances of some sin, I ask myself the same question, why is it so hard for some Christians to remain pure? If we are saved and Christ is in us, don’t we have the power through Him to resist temptation and overcome sin?

Please don’t think I’m some judgmental, self-righteous jerk who looks down on people. I’m not, I’ve made mistakes, but through Christ I’ve overcome a lot and miraculously stayed pure these 23 years. I think we give our sin too much credit. God is faithful to deliver us from temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I feel like that says He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear, and when we are tempted he will provide an escape route. Yep, it definitely says that. So ultimately it comes down to our choices. People choose to sin. I’m not saying I’m perfect. Sometimes I see the escape route and I choose to sin anyway. What I am saying is that it takes faith and strength that only God can provide.

And oh how sweet the sound
I know it saved, but is it changing a wretch like me?
And oh my God how sweet is the sound
I once was blind but now I just look away

Stepping in and out of the shadow
Stepping in and out
I just look away