Frustration/Grief

More often than not I have a hard time falling asleep at night. I lay down but my brain just keeps running. It won’t shut down. With nothing to keep my attention, my mind wanders. I think about where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what God has done. I think about the future, sometimes with excitement, other times with anxiety. Recently it is worry that keeps me up.

My mind is plagued by “what if” questions, two in particular: What if I’m not a good enough photographer/business man and I can’t support myself or my future family? And what if my friends and family, my brother and sister, and those students and peers that I influence fall away from their faith or fall into some serious sin?

I want to focus on the latter. Recently I heard a story about a group of Christian friends hanging out, talking about life and all of it’s intricacies. The topic of conversation eventually came to sex. A few in the group awkwardly shuffled their feet and twiddled their thumbs. Having remained pure and set boundaries in their dating relationships, there wasn’t much to tell. A couple of the guys spoke proudly of their exploits, how far they’ve gone and with how many different girls. The two guys showed no remorse for their sin as they high fived and gave each other props. One girl remained silent, staring blankly off into the distance. Later, she confided in one of the girls, how she was coerced into sex by a boy who made promises with no intention of keeping them, leaving her cold and alone after he got what he wanted. The girl tried to comfort her friend as she wept over what had happened and silently questioned herself, “How does something like this happen? Why is it so hard for some Christians to remain pure and save themselves for marriage?”

This story grieves and frustrates me. The worst part is I didn’t make it up. I grieve for the guys who show no penitence or remorse for their sin. I grieve for the girl who gave herself away under false pretenses. But at the same time I am frustrated. Despite how tragic the circumstances of some sin, I ask myself the same question, why is it so hard for some Christians to remain pure? If we are saved and Christ is in us, don’t we have the power through Him to resist temptation and overcome sin?

Please don’t think I’m some judgmental, self-righteous jerk who looks down on people. I’m not, I’ve made mistakes, but through Christ I’ve overcome a lot and miraculously stayed pure these 23 years. I think we give our sin too much credit. God is faithful to deliver us from temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I feel like that says He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear, and when we are tempted he will provide an escape route. Yep, it definitely says that. So ultimately it comes down to our choices. People choose to sin. I’m not saying I’m perfect. Sometimes I see the escape route and I choose to sin anyway. What I am saying is that it takes faith and strength that only God can provide.

And oh how sweet the sound
I know it saved, but is it changing a wretch like me?
And oh my God how sweet is the sound
I once was blind but now I just look away

Stepping in and out of the shadow
Stepping in and out
I just look away

Stepping in and out

My bride, I don't want to know what I'd be without
forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips

As Cities Burn - Thus From My Lips, By Yours, My Sin Is Purged

That's my perspective,

Ben Peters

Longing

This one is a bit of a departure from my normal style. I'm just free flowing right now so I just started typing and I'm gonna post it.

I am very content with my life. I can honestly say with full assurance that there is not much I can complain about (besides maybe my car, but that's really nothing). I love Jesus and I love what God is doing in my life. It's funny though, I don't feel as though there is some great thing that is in the works or that something awesome is coming my way. God is just good and I'm content.

Despite my content disposition, I am still longing for something. I don't feel as though my relationship with God is lacking, though I am constantly in need of more personal time with Him, I don't think that's what it is. (I'm sure it's probably bad to say that I'm longing for something besides God, but whatever. That's not exactly what I'm saying). I have wonderful friends and an amazing family that love me. I'm really not lacking in anything, but yet I long for something.

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm suppressing my discontent with positive thinking and constant distraction from what's really bothering me. I probably sound crazy right now! (But everyone is a little bit crazy right? The world would be boring without crazy people!). All I know is I'm longing for something and I don't know what it is. I'm gonna pray for God to fulfill whatever it is, or at least ask that I be satisfied in Him alone. I guess we'll see what He comes up with!

Agnostic = 'I don't know'

Today I overheard three people having a conversation about Jesus and Christianity. The first woman, a Methodist, questioned the man, “what do you believe in?” to which the man replied, “I don’t know, I’m agnostic”. The other woman spoke up saying that she too was an agnostic and that she didn’t often meet people who shared her belief. The Methodist queried the woman on the beliefs of agnostic people, to which she responded, “I believe there is a higher power out there, I just don’t know which one it is!” The agnostic man stared at the supposed agnostic woman in disbelief and said, “Do you even know what the word agnostic means?” He then went on to give a lesson to the two women on what the word agnostic meant, first by defining Gnostic as a heretical sect of early Christians who thought they could “know” or posses some kind of spiritual knowledge of God through Gnostic gospels etc., and what it means when you attach the suffix “A” to it (the example given was when you put A at the beginning of the word moral resulting in amoral which means without moral) thereby defining agnostic as the belief that God is unknowable, that he himself is without knowledge of God. He then simplified his definition, “Basically being agnostic means ‘I don’t know’” (he said as he shrugged his shoulders).

I didn’t hear much else but the man said he had tried many different religions in his life, but didn’t find God. I could take this thing in so many different directions and point to so many different scriptures, but I’m not going to. To be honest, it breaks my heart to see a man like this. Who knows if his desire to know God is even genuine, but I feel like if he wants to know God that maybe that’s a sign that the Holy Spirit is beckoning him, stirring his soul, giving him that desire. I hope this man comes to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

On a side note, I think it’s pathetic when a person doesn’t know what they believe, whether they are a professing Christian or an “agnostic” or whatever. It’s especially sad when it’s a Christian though since we have such a wealth of knowledge in God’s word and so many good resources and teachings.

Matthias Replaces Judas

I listened to this CD the other day and had forgotten that this song was on there. It is amazing. I hope you get something out of it :) Open this in a new tab to listen while you read the lyrics.

Showbread - Matthias Replaces Judas
Album: No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical

It is so that my transgressions have born a withered fruit,
the sun has scorched the rising plants; alas they have no root.
The bleached bones of animals bound by leather strips,
dance through the air with laughter as I wield this wicked whip.

As you did warn me carpenter, this world has weakened my heart,
so easily I disparage, self-seeking the work of my art.
And there you have come to me at the moment I bathe in my sorrow,
so in love with myself, sought after avoiding tomorrow.
Where do you find the love to offer he who betrays you?
And offer to wash my feet as I offer to disobey you.
Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail,
so faithfully and dutifully I award you with betrayal.

The weak and the downtrodden fall on broken legs,
as I walk past a smile I cast, fervor in my stead.
But my bones like plastic do buckle backward now,
I lay in this field by Judas and anticipate the plow.
I cannot be forgiven; my wages will be paid,
for those more lovely and admirable is least among the saved.
And where would I fit Jesus? What place is left for me?
The price of atonement is more than I've found to offer up as my plea.

Jesus my heart is all I have to give to you,
so weak and so unworthy, this simply will not do.
No alabaster jar, no diamond in the rough,
for your body that was broken, how can this be enough?
By me you were abandoned, by me you were betrayed,
yet in your arms and in your heart forever I have stayed.
Your glory illuminates my life, and no darkness will descend,
for you have loved me forever, and your love will never end.

That's my perspective.
Ben Peters

The Fragility of Life

So I almost broke my neck last night. I was at this place called Jumpstreet where they have this huge warehouse pretty much lined wall to wall with the most amazing trampolines ever. You can jump incredibly high and if you’re crazy enough you can even do some pretty cool tricks and flips. Well I am just crazy enough to try a lot of these tricks, most of which I have been able to perform successfully. That is until I decided to try the double back flip.

Double front flips were a piece of cake, and I saw my friend Stephen perform a double back flip so I figured, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Unfortunately I didn’t actually stop and think about the consequences of failing a double back flip (which is strange because I’m normally a “worst case scenario” kind of guy). So I go for it and get through one flip and start the second flip when CRUNCH! I landed right on my head. My neck folded in half and I heard all my back muscles and my spine popping and stretching. My forehead may very well have made contact with my sternum (and that ain’t right!).

I immediately rolled to my feet, which looking back now was probably a stupid idea when I consider what you’re supposed to do when dealing with back and neck injuries, but I digress. Upon standing up there was an immediate throbbing pain that I’m sure will be with me for the next couple days. I started stumbling across the trampolines toward the cafeteria-style tables where I slowly collapsed on one. I knew it must have looked as bad as it felt because I had random people trying to help me and get me ice packs etc. Thankfully my brother was there, firstly to help me out and secondly to make fun of me for failing so hard (he’s not heartless, we’re brothers!).

I tried to make light of the whole situation, because really I am fine (or at least I think I am, haven’t been to the hospital or anything). I told everyone to have a good time and not to worry about me, heck, I even went and jumped for a few more minutes before deciding the pain was too much to handle. The magnitude of what had transpired didn’t fully hit me until today. I could have been paralyzed or killed. My over active imagination immediately created a several alternate realities where I had been killed or paralyzed. The imagery my mind was bombarding me with wasn’t very pleasant to behold. What if I couldn’t walk? What if I still maintained my motor skills but came out of the experience with severe mental trauma or disability? Would everything I’d been chasing after in my life have been for nothing?

But I didn’t die. I’m not paralyzed. God protected me and gave me a newfound appreciation for life. There’s so much to be thankful and appreciative for in life! Thank God for the simple things we take for granted: Color, sight, sound, aromas, air, water, food, dogs, clothes, and technology. Thank God for the things that mean the most to us: Moms, dads, brothers and sisters, acquaintances, best friends, love. I’m going to try to express my appreciation for the people in my life more often from now on, not like that annoyingly cheerful guy that you want to punch in the face, but in a way that makes them feel special and cared for. You all deserve it.

Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal

Red light, can't stop so I spin the wheel

My world goes black before I feel an angel steal me from the

Greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands

They've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance

Thrice – The Artist in the Ambulance

That’s my perspective,

Ben Peters

Second Chances

So I’ve been thinking a lot about life, people and communication recently. Over the past month I have made a couple monumental discoveries: I cannot control most things in my life, and by that I mean that I am really only truly in control of what I do and say, and that you will very rarely get second chances. Revolutionary, I know * insert sarcastic tone here * but it’s true. I grew up as a gamer so any time I would come to a point in a game where I had to make a difficult decision or fight a hard battle, I would always save my game in case I screwed something up, that way I could reload my game and take another wack at it. Unlimited redo’s! I guess growing up is similar in a way. People will make excuses for you and give you several chances until a certain age. “He’s just a kid”, “He doesn’t know any better”, “He’s still learning”.

But when you become an adult, your excuses become very limited. You’re supposed to be figuring out this “life” thing, understand how to be people’s friend and how to communicate with them. But unlike a video game, we don’t get the same second chances in life. We can’t just reload from the save point and try that conversation over again. We can’t hit reset and attempt that battle again. I think this is something that James understood quite well and wrote about in chapter three of his epistle to the twelve tribes.

James 3 he talks about how the tongue is an unruly evil. With it we praise God and curse men. It is such a small part of our bodies, but look at the power it wields! It defiles our whole body and sets ablaze the whole course of nature. It’s really frustrating actually. I don’t struggle with vulgarity or inappropriate speech (at inappropriate times). However, I am a champ at putting my foot in my mouth and doing and saying things that, while having the best intentions, are childish and turn detrimental for me.

I guess I should be thankful though. I’m a big fan of learning from my failures so as not to fail in the same way again. But what makes this possible? I’ll tell you, it’s grace and mercy. They’re the Christian equivalent of a second chance. Just as God showed us mercy and grace in the gift of Christ’s sacrifice, we ought to show each other the same grace and mercy in our relationships and communication. If you know me at all you know I say and do stupid things sometimes, so I’m asking all of you to show me that grace and mercy. Give me that second chance.

Your tongue is a rudder.

It steers the whole ship.

Sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth.

But the wrong words will strand you.

Come off course while you sleep.

Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef.

Brand New

Play Crack the Sky

That’s my perspective

Ben Peters

Optimism in the Face of Adversity

I’d say that most the time I fancy myself an optimist. No matter the situations I find myself in, I can usually find something to be positive about or some glimmer of light on the horizon. I would also consider myself a very open and genuine person. I invest into all my relationships in life physically, spiritually and emotionally, and I’m all in. I don’t hold back. On the whole, I would say I’m a very trusting person and I find it easy to believe people. These are generally qualities that I think most people find desirable in a person.

There are consequences, however, to this degree of investment ranging as far as the pendulum swings (I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it does to me). When one of my friends makes some great stride in their relationship with God, I feel their joy, I experience spiritual fulfillment with them. However, when a friend or loved one falls on hard times or does something stupid, I get to experience the whole gamut of dramatic emotion. From heartbreak to marital bliss and from tears of sorrow to joyous laughter, the entire spectrum of human emotion is mine to share in. Maybe that’s what Paul meant when he wrote Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

It’s hard though, when you’re the one going through the tough stuff. Having friends around to share it with is nice, but I’ll tell you what’s even better: Jesus. Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I’ve been really stressed out lately. I was driving down the road today with all these questions reeling through my mind and I swear I heard Him say to me, “Don’t you believe that I have great things in store for you? Do you not think that I have a great plan?” Then this verse came to mind Matthew 6:33-34 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

So why do I worry? Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need. You know what I need.

Jon Foreman

Your Love is Strong

That’s my perspective

Ben Peters